The Doppler Effect

It’s the 18th already It looks like I’m a bit late but after a long hiatus, I feel obliged to reflect upon this past year, and the year ahead. I’ll do my best to not sound cliché (no guarantees though).

I suppose a logical place to start would be at the same time last year. I was doing roughly the same thing I’m doing now: neglecting/enjoying the fact that I only have one exam left. Being a second semester junior doesn’t have quite the same ring as second semester senior does it? Come to think of it, “second semester senor” doesn’t really carry the same effect on me as it appears to have over every other member of the class of 2007. Why? Probably because I made it a habit to neglect school early on. I never really applied myself, even during elementary school when math consisted nothing more than questions like of 2×8=? I have no recollection whatsoever of my academic performance prior to middle school. Despite my parents’ stern lectures, the message wasn’t getting home. I attribute this to starting out my school career with less than stellar marks, at which point I decided that I couldn’t ever be “smart”. By the time I came to this realization, my chance to do anything had long passed me by. “Junior year is the most important year of high school” friends, teachers and parents always warned but with half if it gone already, I was stuck with the fruits of my own mediocrity.

Second semester junior year also meant another track season to look forward to especially coming off of the last season’s State Runner-Up finish. Track motivated me and I felt that I could use it to redeem myself with strong performances. Why was track so different than academics for me? Countless drills in the cold rain certainly wasn’t much more appealing than studying yet I still practiced like my life depended on it. Perhaps because my freshman year, I was praised as being “one fast kid”. As a freshman on a state-championship team, I’d gotten off on the right foot with the coaches. During my junior season, I would continue on to become a Regional Champion and State Champion, earning honors at each level of competition including all-state.

Should getting initial success dictate how live your life? Maybe, maybe not. But for me, allowing something so insignificant as my first experience effect my attitudes as much as it has disturbs me but has really opened my eyes to the implications of my actions. So ultimately, what brought me to these realizations? The very thing I sought to avoid. The intense competition the DCDS environment fosters (it certainly didn’t help that I’d been at DCDS since preschool). Constantly comparing test scores only served to demoralize me when I didn’t receive marks as high as my friends. and thus kicked me further into the cycle of apathy towards my work. I thought my efforts wouldn’t be worth the trouble. It was only when college became the main topic of conversations that I began to envy my friends talk about going to prestigious universities knowing that my chances of going to such a school was a long shot if I had any chance at all.

So by now, you’ve had to have asked yourself the question “who cares?” The fact that you’re still reading means to me that you probably already know the answer for yourself. As an 18 year old, I don’t have the kind of authority to offer anyone advice, but I do feel most of the people I know don’t stop and ask themselves the right questions when faced with uncertainty. Most often, the problem lies in the fact that people don’t want to admit certain truths to themselves, or have trouble finding such truths to begin with. Hopefully with an understanding that you’re the only thing you can control, the extraneous factors people attribute to their unhappiness, failure or anything will disappear. It lead to a notion my mother acknowledged long before I did: to find perfection in your imperfection.

I realize that I didn’t come close to addressing everything I wanted to from last year, nor did I keep my promise of keeping my rant as non-cliché as possible. Hopefully I can think of something more sensible when I’m not “studying” for exams on an empty stomach. What’re your thoughts?